This blog was promised to be a teaching tool for any of you that want to learn about metaphysical issues but it seems like a good day to explain exactly how I got to this point myself.

March 22, 2002-I remember it like it was yesterday but it also seems like so long ago.  I was slapped in the face with the ultimate reality of losing someone very important in my life-my mom, my very best friend.  This was the day my life would change beyond anything I had ever imagined and although at the time it felt like the end of my life, I now know it was just a new chapter.

My mom had a brain aneurysm that ruptured and even though she had one of the top neuro-surgeons performing his magic, it just wasn’t enough to pull her through.  Her spirit left her body on March 22, 2002 and the moment this happened is still very vivid in my mind.  It was very early in the morning and my dad and I were awakened at the same time.  We had no idea at the time but this was my mom saying good-bye as another aneurysm ruptured.

It has been 7 years since that fateful day and although at that time I had no idea how (or why) to go on, God and His angels made it very clear what I needed to do.  I feel guilty sometimes because I know that if my mom would have stayed with us, I would be in a completely different place in my life.  I love and miss her more than I can express but I honestly believe that the course of events which took place were God (and my mom) making sure that I followed the path that was truly meant for me.  It is Divine Timing and everything that led up to this point was an indicator of the miraculous hand that God places on us to make sure we are aware of our true potential.  The potential that is in every one of us!

It is that voice in our head that keeps telling us to do what makes our soul sing, our heart dance,  and our spirit soar!!  Sometimes we ignore it or learn to tune it out because it’s easier to live a life of convenience or repetition.  I was in that life before my mom passed away and at that time I thought I was happy.  The voice in my head, which is ultimately God,  kept telling me that I could be or do anything but my ego kept crashing that guidance into the ground.

The saying “God works in mysterious ways” was hard for me to accept-especially right after her death, but it seemed as though these were the words that I continually heard. When you are grieving you don’t want to hear such things but anyone who has lost someone close to them eventually realizes this phrase to be truth.  We, as humans, have a hard time accepting death because time seems to go by so slowly after a death.  Time is only an illusion and our friends and family that have already crossed over have no idea that the ache in our hearts seems to linger forever.

Time….it took me quite a bit of this commodity to realize that I could sit in self pity for the rest of my life or start to live my life in accordance to my destiny.  My ego was put aside and I began to feel joy in my heart and soul again.  I attribute my new-found passion in life to the sacrifices that my mom made-not to say that she decided to walk with God for my benefit but the fact that she chose (she came to me in a dream shortly after passing and told me that she had a choice and her decision was based on the fact that if she came back, it would not be in the same capacity as she had been) to do this was the most unselfish act a person can make.  Actually, unselfish is/was the most definitive word I could ever use for my mom!  Her children and grandchildren were her life and given the fact that she waited longer than most to have grandchildren, I know it took a lot for her to leave all of us.

I have come so far since that heart wrenching day of despair and wanted/needed to devote this post to my best friend….my mom.

Below is the poem that turned out to be my very first “automatic writing”-although I had no idea at the time.  It came to me while contemplating a very special way to honor her and is now what is written on her headstone.

Gone too young, too soon

With so many things still to do

Your family loved you with all their heart

The perfect grandma right from the start

You were such a great mother-so selfless and kind

Always giving to your children

Without a second thought in your mind

You were my best friend as well as my mother

The best mom in the world and a friend like no other

Now I feel so alone with a big hole in my heart

But I must go on because that’s what you would want

Gone too young, too soon

You waited so long for grandkids, too

Most of them will never know

The generous love and kindness that you have shown

Kriistian and you were like two peas in a pod

For you it was spoil the grandkid and spare the rod

We all miss you so much, mom-can’t believe that you’re gone

Everything in this world just seems so wrong

But if I’ve learned anything from you is that a mother’s kids are here life

So I’ll put my sadness aside and try to do what’s right

We love you, Mom!!!

Always and Forever